Robinson: Telling the truth when it hurts
Katie Robinson
Issue date: 3/5/10 Section: Opinion
Honesty. Most people see it as one of their most valued attributes. People don't want to be lied to. They want to know the whole story. The election of presidents always comes on the heels of promises to be more transparent, more honest - to clue the American people in on what is going on within the government.
But the reality is that most people don't really want honesty. They want to be told what they want to hear. Overweight people will make friends who tell them they are skinny. Selfish people will make friends who tell them that the world is all about them. People who monopolize conversation will be friends with people who will pretend to be interested in what they have to say. But all this does is make people fat, selfish and chatty. Nobody becomes better. They just feel better.
What we really need are relationships where people will say it how it is. One of my friends and I probably get into it about every other week. We fight, we yell, we cut each other up with our words, but when push comes to shove, I am a better person because she tells me where I suck at life. And the next day, I know she loves me and she's not going anywhere, and I have the opportunity to make it right and become better.
Other people are too afraid to confront, too afraid to do more than hint passive-aggressively at annoyance. So we are left guessing at how to change to be a better friend, and end up failing miserably.
The thing is, maybe the truth hurts, but if you really want to help people, to be a good friend, don't you owe it to people to be honest with them? Wouldn't you rather people treat you with enough respect to have the dignity to give you a chance to either defend yourself or change? If people don't even give you the chance to do that, how can you ever have a real relationship? At the first sign of conflict, you will get dropped, written off.
Without real communication, relationships are shallow and lack substance. If you live to please and live in fear of offending someone or pushing their buttons or saying the wrong thing, you will never really know or be known by anyone. I don't want to live that way. I want to fill my life with rich relationships where I am known and still accepted. I want to surround myself with people who I am secure with, and who I know will still be there tomorrow, no matter what happens between us today.
I am blessed enough to have many of these relationships. And in my experience, the best of them have only come on the heels of honesty.
But the reality is that most people don't really want honesty. They want to be told what they want to hear. Overweight people will make friends who tell them they are skinny. Selfish people will make friends who tell them that the world is all about them. People who monopolize conversation will be friends with people who will pretend to be interested in what they have to say. But all this does is make people fat, selfish and chatty. Nobody becomes better. They just feel better.
What we really need are relationships where people will say it how it is. One of my friends and I probably get into it about every other week. We fight, we yell, we cut each other up with our words, but when push comes to shove, I am a better person because she tells me where I suck at life. And the next day, I know she loves me and she's not going anywhere, and I have the opportunity to make it right and become better.
Other people are too afraid to confront, too afraid to do more than hint passive-aggressively at annoyance. So we are left guessing at how to change to be a better friend, and end up failing miserably.
The thing is, maybe the truth hurts, but if you really want to help people, to be a good friend, don't you owe it to people to be honest with them? Wouldn't you rather people treat you with enough respect to have the dignity to give you a chance to either defend yourself or change? If people don't even give you the chance to do that, how can you ever have a real relationship? At the first sign of conflict, you will get dropped, written off.
Without real communication, relationships are shallow and lack substance. If you live to please and live in fear of offending someone or pushing their buttons or saying the wrong thing, you will never really know or be known by anyone. I don't want to live that way. I want to fill my life with rich relationships where I am known and still accepted. I want to surround myself with people who I am secure with, and who I know will still be there tomorrow, no matter what happens between us today.
I am blessed enough to have many of these relationships. And in my experience, the best of them have only come on the heels of honesty.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Nicole
posted 4/11/10 @ 2:47 AM CST
Something I've had to deal with lately... The truth sometimes hurts but it is also what each and every one of us is called to give. Of course we all find ourselves being untruthful from time to time but on the really important issues, it's the only way to avoid further pain and suffering. (Continued…)
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